Contemplations

So...here I am, cramming my ass off for SATs. While I'm trying to remember what a gazillion words which I have never came across means, I begin to contemplate whether or not I'm doing the right thing.

I'm going to university when I'm 15. Will I be able to survive?
I'm going to university younger than everyone else. Will I be able to fit in?
I'm going to university (if it's not UBC) without my mom's supervision. Will I continue to thrive like before with no one to make me meet my goals but my own self-motivation and perseverance?
I'm going to university with English skills that are weaker than everyone else (at least I think). Will I actually emerge from the school successfully?

I feel really doubtful right now. Even if I go to UBC, will I be able to survive? I know my ability to understand mathematical and sometimes scientific concepts isn't bad...but I feel so powerless and weak in English. I know so little vocab, for one. For another, I can't seem to do reading comprehension that is too convoluted...in, again, vocabulary.

Ughs. I know I sound like I'm backing out before the game even starts...but I was born a pessimist, still am a pessimist. I'm never too sanguine because I hate doing life-changing things that I am not confident I will be 100% satisfied. I guess it's time to change that point of view seeing as a) success require risks and b) I'm entering the world of finance, economics and business (yes, honey, they are all different) and I'm unable to take risks???

On a brighter note, mom's taking me golfing every Sunday afternoon now, because I really need more exercise (my life has grown sedantry in front of the computer or in the library) and also because golf is the best business tool (followed closely by ballroom dancing, which we're learning in school with Mr. Zag). Plus, I have a personal coach for free. Who? My daddy! He recently won some championship in China and the prize? An iTouch for his favourite (and only) daughter. Life seems a whole lot more pleasant.

Instead of continuing my idle chatter here, I shall go continue jamming vocabulary into my imploding brain.

Currently Listening To: DBSK - You're My Song